best friend?

here i am....cuz still here is my safest place to voice myself out...to say anything i'd like to... cuz...there's no one knows me here...i could just say my heart out... great...very great... i can't say myself out there.cuz they people will misunderstand and misinterpret me... i can't say anything i'd like to there... cuz when she couldn't accept what i said,i don't know what would she think and say..it's terrible.... very very terrible........

when i was just kept silence to everything she said,cuz i know if i say something against her,she'd argue with me and tried to prove me wrong while she wasn't right at all anyway. so...i just kept silence.

now...while i am being honest and say what was in my mind about some little thing,she reacts sooooo great to what i said!

what the.....???
when i kept silence,she told me that i wasn't being honest with her.
when i being honest,she said that what i said was wrong.
what she said hurts me....hurts me a lot....
what u want me to do??? i did everything to make u happy while i was enduring suffer for being silence...
so what u want now???
silence or honesty???

i'm tired....tired with not knowing what i should do with her....
i don't know what i can do....
i couldn't keep silence...i couldn't being honest and speak my heart out as well...
so?
i don't know.........i'm so lost........
i'm trying my best to stay as your best friend and be your good listener...
but here i am...being hurt with those mean words...
all the time,u could just say your heart out to me even though sometimes the words hurt me actually...but all the while i just let it go...i told myself that you don't mean them... and i'd comfort myself.
and now...i'm just trying to being honest and speak myself out... but u just talked like i was the very wrong people who don't konw anything about life and everything!!!

ARGHHHHHH................

so what u really want me to do as your best friend??????
can't i just be myself and u just be yourself while i live with my own principles and u live with your principles????
that's your problem that u aren't happy cuz u always have great expectation to yourself and everything u do!!
I AM JUST A ORDINARY GIRL WHO WANTS A SIMPLE LIFE AND HAPPINESS!!!!!
so don't come to tell me that i don't know about how suffer u are!! cuz i'm not u!!!! i am myself!!!

i so wanted to leave her.....but i couldn't....cuz i'm her best friend.... her only friend who will really listen to her and keep silence while others would just argue with her if listen to her words...
i don't know if i can really leave her to her own life out there in the other half of earth.
even though i was so close with her while she was still here,i couldn't understand her at all.
the distance isn't the matter....what matter is the heart......

i guess.......my heart is getting tired with those situations......
i guess.......i'll go away if she keeps in the way.......

please.....please god....let things go smoother and we'll still keep our relationship as best friends.....if it's possible....

渴望

以前的我,从来不渴望有家室,不渴望跟男朋友亲密地住在一起,不渴望那种过头的亲密.可是现在事情变得不一样了...

以前年幼还没涉足繁华复杂的社会,不懂得那些成年人们为什么一定都渴望男朋友,没有男女朋友对他们来说就好像世界末日一样.我明白了...我现在终于得到解答...

中学毕业,身边要好的朋友们各自纷飞,忙着读书的读书,工作的工作.有的留在老地方,有的飞到老远去追求梦想.没有人会因为‘朋友’这两个字而放弃伟大的梦想.人生只有一次,我们都忙着追求自己想要的.结果,我们都比不得以离朋友而去,往那扇大门故作潇洒地迈步前进去.

没有了故日战友,寂寞毫不留情尾随跟来我们孤单的躯体.站在一群陌生的脸孔之中,我们显得惶恐,不知所措.以往熟悉的一切都已消失不见,取而代之的是似无底的黑洞...不知什么时候我们才会安全降落在平地.

那阵无止尽的寂寞空虚,让人实在无法忍受...我们需要安全感,需要归宿感...所以,我们都渴望爱情的降临...恨不得那个对的人不要到处乱走,立刻现身在我们的生命里.我们都害怕随处漂泊,看着身边的人一个个手挽手,幸福漫溢地嚣张在我们面前猫步般走过.单身的我们,嫉妒也不是,漠视亦办不到.可怜的我们,单身已经是让人想去撞墙,还要忍受身边一对对形影不离的情侣...真是不得不在深夜大声喊问上天为何如此不公平!然后第二天醒来,我们又勇敢地面对残忍的现实,孤身作战!还没到最后一刻都不放弃,不离不弃地站在原地等待那个终究会出现的人降临我人生!

爱情啊爱情...恋人啊恋人...除了真挚的爱情,其实我们更渴望安全感和归宿感!是那些藏在我们心深处的渴望安全感和归宿感让我们希望安定下来.我们都想要有一个真正安全的地方,让我们好好地歇息,享受人与人之间安全相处的感觉,拥有一个我们完全属于自己的地方.在这里,我们不需要伪装,不需要虚假,只有那股熟悉的气息,来自你的,和他的,融合在一起,永远都不会消失...这就是我们真正想要的...

~ 50%的我 + 50%的你 = 情人 ~

我不是勇士

雨下得很大
绿色伞下 我孤独行走
低着头看 雨点滴在地上
短暂的昙花 抓不住
冷风并没有因为我的孤单而减弱
我想象自己是勇士
不畏惧强风暴雨
只顾勇往直前
不需要任何的怜悯
因为我就是个勇敢的躯体！
可 我不是勇士
我只是一个弱质女生
我的心脆弱得像玻璃
我的心需要被细心呵护
我需要他的陪伴
需要他的温暖

紊乱思绪

啊.............. 谁来救救我???!!! 我不知该怎么做....

我应该向现实走,还是继续坚持我的理想??我知道如果我没读我想要的科系的话以后我会后悔...可是我又不知道我想念的那科是否适合自己... 糟了.........我不知该怎么办........还没拿到成绩之前,还没申请大学之前我是很坚持自己的决定的.现在却突然动摇了...我不知道什么适合自己.很害怕...很彷徨......
我很怕我以后会对我现在这个决定后悔...我怕念到半途放弃...我怕我只是喜欢那科系,而那科系其实并不适合我!那时我最怕的... 现在的我,觉得好孤独...好寂寞...我身边的朋友都好像离我很远很远...有没有谁可以听听我说话...

*hey you....where are u???!!! why aren't u here when i need u??!! where have u gone?? damnit!!! appear yourself!!!! =( please....just appear...and stay by my side and give me comfort...that's all i need...it's so hard for me to go thru everything without u sharing with me... i just need someone for me to talk to...i'm so scared... please...just stand by me...i need the courageous u'll give me! *

没有爱情?!

为什么有些人总是爱欺骗自己,或者不敢对自己承认一些事情?!我不明白...
我的最要好朋友,她很有自信,她很聪明,她有她自己一套的想法,是个独立的女生,倾倒无数男生.
她一直不断地说她不需要爱情,她甚至表现出她鄙视爱情.她总是说‘没有爱情不会死,那些需要爱情的人都是自卑自怜的人’.刚认识她的时候我还会跟她讨论,跟她解释.n年后的现在,我已经放弃跟她讨论这些话题.因为我说的都是废话.她认为只有她想的所有一切才是事实,而我说的都不值一考虑.这是因为她的自信.我总是觉得她的自信害了她.

她曾经跟两个男生在一起过.她每一次喜欢上一个人的时候,一定一定会说‘我没有喜欢他,那只是一场游戏,我只是在陪他玩游戏’.我听这些话已经听到麻木了...每一次她那些‘友达以上恋人未满’的感情失败后,她就会说她有多受伤,她有多难过...然后她会问为什么她的下场总是这样.唉..........为什么这些人这么无聊呢???!!!明明自己就是喜欢那个人了,为什么不可以大大方方坦诚地对自己承认是喜欢他呢?喜欢一个人没有错!!喜欢一个人不是懦弱!!喜欢一个人是人的天性!!何苦跟老天作对呢?既然是天性,又何苦逆天而行呢?! 真是奇怪!!

还有,有一种人,明明是因为自己曾经被爱情伤害过,跌倒了却爬不起来.不是爱情辜负了他们,是他们辜负自己.可是他们固执地说是爱情背叛了他们,所以他们不会再相信爱情,说爱情不存在.what the XXXX!!! 这是什么烂借口??!!明明就是自己失败,还把错推在一个名词上!我只能说...厉害!!!我无话可说...

你说...这些所谓的‘无爱情之说’到底是怎么一回事?哼...我想现在你心里有数了吧.