best friend?

here i am....cuz still here is my safest place to voice myself out...to say anything i'd like to... cuz...there's no one knows me here...i could just say my heart out... great...very great... i can't say myself out there.cuz they people will misunderstand and misinterpret me... i can't say anything i'd like to there... cuz when she couldn't accept what i said,i don't know what would she think and say..it's terrible.... very very terrible........

when i was just kept silence to everything she said,cuz i know if i say something against her,she'd argue with me and tried to prove me wrong while she wasn't right at all anyway. so...i just kept silence.

now...while i am being honest and say what was in my mind about some little thing,she reacts sooooo great to what i said!

what the.....???
when i kept silence,she told me that i wasn't being honest with her.
when i being honest,she said that what i said was wrong.
what she said hurts me....hurts me a lot....
what u want me to do??? i did everything to make u happy while i was enduring suffer for being silence...
so what u want now???
silence or honesty???

i'm tired....tired with not knowing what i should do with her....
i don't know what i can do....
i couldn't keep silence...i couldn't being honest and speak my heart out as well...
so?
i don't know.........i'm so lost........
i'm trying my best to stay as your best friend and be your good listener...
but here i am...being hurt with those mean words...
all the time,u could just say your heart out to me even though sometimes the words hurt me actually...but all the while i just let it go...i told myself that you don't mean them... and i'd comfort myself.
and now...i'm just trying to being honest and speak myself out... but u just talked like i was the very wrong people who don't konw anything about life and everything!!!

ARGHHHHHH................

so what u really want me to do as your best friend??????
can't i just be myself and u just be yourself while i live with my own principles and u live with your principles????
that's your problem that u aren't happy cuz u always have great expectation to yourself and everything u do!!
I AM JUST A ORDINARY GIRL WHO WANTS A SIMPLE LIFE AND HAPPINESS!!!!!
so don't come to tell me that i don't know about how suffer u are!! cuz i'm not u!!!! i am myself!!!

i so wanted to leave her.....but i couldn't....cuz i'm her best friend.... her only friend who will really listen to her and keep silence while others would just argue with her if listen to her words...
i don't know if i can really leave her to her own life out there in the other half of earth.
even though i was so close with her while she was still here,i couldn't understand her at all.
the distance isn't the matter....what matter is the heart......

i guess.......my heart is getting tired with those situations......
i guess.......i'll go away if she keeps in the way.......

please.....please god....let things go smoother and we'll still keep our relationship as best friends.....if it's possible....